
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7846936.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Haikyuu!!
  Relationship:
      Kyoutani_Kentarou/Yahaba_Shigeru, Iwaizumi_Hajime/Oikawa_Tooru, Yahaba
      Shigeru/Original_Female_Character(s)
  Character:
      Kyoutani_Kentarou, Yahaba_Shigeru, Oikawa_Tooru, Iwaizumi_Hajime,
      Original_Female_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Self_Harm, Smut, Cheating, KyouHaba_Week_2016, basketball_player/tennis
      player_AU, day_3_prompt:_different_teams_//_sports_swap, KyouHaba_-
      Freeform
  Series:
      Part 3 of kyouhaba_week_2016
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-23 Words: 2135
****** where did we go wrong? ******
by orphan_account
Summary
     Yahaba Shigeru is a basketball player, and a charming(ish) one at
     that. Kyōtani Kentarō is a tennis player, as well as the scariest
     (and cutest) delinquent in Aobajōsai.
Notes
     so this is gonna be kinda dark
     don't read if you're not comfortable with self-harm or depression
     and if you know anyone who might be feeling this, or you have
     suspicions that they may be harming themselves
     please help them
     or at least let them know that they are not alone
     because it's a terrible thing to go through, especially alone, and no
     one should have to
See the end of the work for more notes
     “Waaaah, Kyō-ken-chan! I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” Oikawa had
spied the heart emoji beside Shigeru’s name (courtesy of Shigeru) while Kentarō
was texting him.
     Kentarō turned and stood to face his senpai quickly, turning his phone off
as he rose. “A boyfriend, actually.”
     Every tennis player in the locker room froze, and slowly turned to look at
Kentarō. He didn’t even bother rolling his eyes at them. Just because he was
gay didn’t mean he went around eyeing every shirtless guy he saw.
     Oikawa, on the other hand, brightened. “Shigeru, huh? Um… Yahaba?”
     Kentarō nodded.
     Oikawa brightened even more, through some strange sorcery,, and it became
difficult for Kentarō to look at him. “He’s on the basketball team! With Iwa-
chan! You know who Iwa-chan is, right? Iwaizumi Hajime? The best defense ever,
that’s who he is! You have to be really really good to get past Iwa-chan, and
even then, it’d be so hard to score a point from his team! Wow! So I guess both
our boyfriends are basketball players, huh? What position does Yahaba play?”
     Kentarō stood up straighter. “He’s a shooting forward. Real good at it for
a second year, too.”
     Oikawa nodded, still smiling - but his eyes became sharper, his expression
more cunning. “Well, my Iwa-chan is the team’s best power forward. He’s been a
starting player since his first year.”
     Kentarō felt his chest puff up as Shigeru’s worth is challenged. The rest
of the tennis players sense the tension and latch onto it, getting comfortable
as Kentarō and Oikawa go back and forth for a good half hour, each one bragging
about his own boyfriend.
     The two of them didn’t stop until Oikawa was preaching to the masses about
Iwaizumi’s arms (again) and Kentarō’s voice was barely a whisper as he revelled
in the gift from God that is Shigeru’s hair (for the fourth time.) The players
had steadily grown uncomfortable as the time dragged on, and when the coach
finally came to yell at the boys to leave, only Kentarō and Oikawa were there,
both of them daydreaming.
     “Get out!”
                                     *****
     Shigeru was startled awake by the coach’s voice from where he had fallen
asleep earlier, leaning against Iwaizumi-san, who came to the tennis court to
wait for Oikawa-san. He wiped his eyes clean and smiled faintly at Kentarō and
Oikawa-san, who were being ushered out of the court by their coach, both of
them red and frankly - in Kentarō’s case, anyway - adorable-looking.
     “What’d you do to have him yell at you so much, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi-san
asked Oikawa-san when the two began walking off together. Kentarō gave Oikawa-
san a strange look, to which Oikawa-san returned an impressively vulgar gesture
before linking arms with Iwaizumi-san and pulling him away.
     “I’ll see you tomorrow at practice, Yahaba,” Iwaizumi-san called back.
     “See you then, Iwaizumi-san,” Shigeru replied, waving until the two were
nothing more than two ever-shrinking dots on the horizon.
     “Shigeru.” Kentarō kept his eyes trained on the ground.
     “Hey, Kentarō. How was practice?”Shigeru had no idea that anything was
amiss. But then again, how could he?
     “I’m so sorry.” Kentarō refused to look at Shigeru in the eye, and Shigeru
felt a small shiver of satisfaction at seeing his boyfriend so submissive
before him. His boyfriend, the scary delinquent. His boyfriend, Kyōtani
Kentarō.
     “What did you do.” Not a question. A demand. Shigeru was thoughtful,
maybe; kind, if he tried; but patient? Yahaba Shigeru had never known such a
thing.
     “The tennis players may or may not know your extensive morning hair
ritual. And the products. And how long it takes you. And how you stop at every
mirror on your way out to-”
     “Kentarō.”
     He stopped talking and stood, looking up at Shigeru because yes Shigeru is
taller than Kentarō and standing as close as he was - perhaps 3 inches, maybe
less in some places - the tennis player had to tilt his head up, lest he wanted
to look at Shigeru’s neck.
     “You’re not mad are you?”
     “I’m going to kill you. Right after I tear a new one into your ass.”
Shigeru almost grinned at how quickly Kentarō’s ears turned pink, even while he
maintained the defiance on his face.
     “Yeah, right.”
     Shigeru held his hand out as he turned to make his way to the bus stop. He
felt Kentarō grab it a heartbeat later. “Let’s go home.”
     Kentarō smiled at those words, a small smile that would have done Shigeru
a lot of good had he not been stewing in self-doubt and anxiety and a lot of
pointless shit that he really didn’t need to be thinking about.
     It was something he never saw.
                                     *****
     “Shigeru - ahh, we have school tomorrow, you idiot. Take it - ungh, right
there.” They’d gone straight to Kentarō’s house - no stopping for a bite to eat
like they usually did - at Shigeru’s insistence. Kentarō complied, never having
a backbone when it came to his boyfriend. Shigeru had pounced on Kentarō the
moment the door was locked behind them and the two made it to the dining room
before both their clothes were gone and Kentarō ended up bent over the table.
We eat here, dammit was his only protest.
     Shigeru grinned, showing no sign that he’d heard Kentarō, only increasing
his pace.
     “Jesus Christ, Shigeru, you could at least-” Kentarō’s words were cut off
as the pleasure rushed over him in a wave of ecstasy and all he could think was
Shigeru Shigeru Shigeru.
                                     *****
     Shigeru stopped being able to feel the happiness. Even with Kentarō, with
whom Shigeru felt the safest - the best he’s ever felt, really - he lost it.
Even playing basketball, with teammates that he trusts and the exhilaration
that came with scoring a point - he lost that feeling. Shigeru isn’t sure how
it happened, or why it happened, and he didn’t care enough to dig deeper. He
didn’t mind senselessly going through the day, hearing his teachers’ and
classmates’ words pierce through the stifling darkness for only a second before
he decided it didn’t matter, nothing matters.
     He didn’t mind, really.
     He saw Kentarō in the gym with his class on his way to the library, racket
in hand and waiting for the tennis ball to come back to him. He hit it dead on,
and the ball moved so fast that Shigeru lost sight of it, didn’t know where it
was until it landed on the other side of the court. Out. Kentarō cursed, too
quiet for anyone to hear - even Shigeru. It’s just that once you know someone
well enough, you can anticipate some of their mannerisms. That, and Shigeru had
been studying Kentarō closely enough to read his lips.
     “Yahaba-kun! The class has already gone ahead, let’s go!” A girl in his
class had stayed behind. She was standing at the end of the hall, clutching her
school bad tightly with both hands. Shigeru didn’t even know her name. He gave
her a smile that’s known to make girls - and boys - swoon and panties - and
boxers - drop. A light blush crawled up her neck, and Shigeru knew he’d scored.
     Kentarō glanced up in time to see Shigeru walked away from the gym with a
smile on his face, and he felt doubt crawl through his heart. He knew that
Shigeru had gone through hard times before, and he knew that Shigeru always
covered it up with a smile and a flippant I’m fine, don’t worry but he was
never fine. And Kentarō always worried.
     But he didn’t have practice after school that day and he would spend the
afternoon with Shigeru and try to cheer him up, because all Kentarō wanted was
his boyfriend’s happiness.
                                     *****
     Shigeru wasn’t really sure what he was thinking when he took his
classmates hand. When he smiled at her and said in a voice that was too
flirtatious, “Call me Shigeru.”
     He wasn’t sure why he thought got her when she replied with a timid, “Th-
then you can call me Kayo.” Her blush deepened, making her face startlingly
red.
     “Well, Kayo-chan, how about we ditch and head the that empty science lab?”
     Kayo nodded timidly.
     Shigeru led her to the empty room, where he laid her out on a table and
fucked her. He didn’t really see it as cheating, didn’t really care that he was
being unfaithful to Kentarō, even as he wondered how he would react if he found
out that his boyfriend had done the same to him. Even as his eyes teared up at
the heartache he’d feel. Even as he released with a low groan into the faceless
girl beneath him, Kentarō’s name a mere whisper in his lips.
     Nothing really mattered anymore.
     And when he left that girl in the classroom by herself, naked and sweaty,
he still didn’t care. When he took his bag and went home, nearly two hours of
school left, he didn’t care then either.
     When the thin blade connected with the pale skin of his thigh and cut just
deep enough to leave thin, red lines, when his blood dripped onto the bathroom
floor and made the water a light pink colour, when the words useless stupid
pathetic inferior abysmal trash nothing were traced into his flesh and
blemished his skin forever…
     Shigeru still didn’t care.
                                     *****
     Kentarō couldn't find him the day before, but when he saw Shigeru leaving
the gym after school the next day, he caught up to him and grabbed his hand.
     “Hey.”
     “Ah. Kentarō.”
     “Sleep over tonight?”
     And it was like Shigeru was fine all along when he gave Kentarō a small
smile and nodded.
     But Kentarō knew it wasn't. Something had changed between them. He just
wasn't sure if it was bad or not.
                                     *****
     “Shigeru.” Kentarō said. He was lying on Shigeru’s couch, with Shigeru
holding himself up on one arm above him.
     “Yeah.” Shigeru snaked a hand up Kentarō’s chest.
     “Can't we do something else?” Kentarō sounded tired, almost annoyed. And
he reserved that right, too. Lately all Shigeru has wanted is sex, sex, sex and
as much as Kentarō loved being close to him, the feeling of being filled by
Shigeru… he didn't feel like their relationship should start and end with
whether or not they had a good time the night before. Kentarō’s never wanted
that with anyone, especially not with Shigeru, someone he loved.
     “You don't want to?” Shigeru asked softly. He ducked his head down to
trail his tongue along Kentarō’s chest. A shiver escaped Kentarō, and he
grabbed his boyfriend's hair, tugging his head up gently before he could go any
further. Shigeru watched his face with careful eyes.
     “I don't. Not tonight. Let's do something else.”
     Shigeru nodded, then sat back quickly. “Maybe another night. I just
remembered that I have something to do.”
     He stood up, gave Kentarō what must have been the fakest smile he could
generate, and left without even a goodbye.
     He left Kentarō alone, feeling abandoned and ignored, wondering what he'd
done to make Shigeru stop loving him.
                                     *****
     Shigeru wanted to stay with Kentarō. He really did. He wanted nothing more
than to be held in his arms, to hear his rough voice console him… but he didn’t
want to drag Kentarō into the crazy bullshit that he calls his life. He would
never do that to Kentarō, the only person who cared. Him. The only person who
loved Shigeru. Him. The one person Shigeru was hurting the most.
     You break what you touch.
     Shigeru didn't want to hurt him. Didn't want to break his heart and burn
up the pieces. He would rather die. And faced with these two choices he'd given
himself, Shigeru felt that he chose the right one.
     As he silently regarded the pills in his hand, he wondered how Kentarō
would handle the news. How he would mourn. How long it would take him to move
on.
     And even as these thoughts made tears trace jagged lines on his cheeks, he
tossed back the contents of his hands and wished Kentarō a long, happy life.
Even as he fell to the ground and slowly lost consciousness as the drugs took
over his mind, he still wept at having to lose the one bright spark in his
life.
     Even as his phone buzzed with an incoming text from Kentarō, i love you
shigeru. hope you have a good night, and Shigeru shuddered when he thought of
exactly what it was that he was losing. That someone else would be lucky enough
to steal Kentarō's heart and fix the shattered pieces that Shigeru would leave
behind.
     Even then.
     Shigeru’s last thoughts were all Kentarō I love you Kentarō I'm sorry
Kentarō Be happy Kentarō Please forgive me Kentarō Find happiness Kentarō
Kentarō Kentarō.
     He died with a smile on his lips and a heart full of sorrow.
End Notes
     i think i have a grudge against yahaba or something
     idk
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